whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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