Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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