5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
