Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
