you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
