I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
