im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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