i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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