Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
