She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
