I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
