There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found the puke drawer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
