you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
