I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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