don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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