One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
