Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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