she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
