if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
