At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
