how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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