i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
