Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
