apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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