if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
