I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
