new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
