I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
