I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
