then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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