I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
