sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
