this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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