Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
