i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
