Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
