meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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