Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your cock deserves a montage
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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