He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
