maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
