wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
