end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
