I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
