1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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