I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
