Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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