So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
farters have to be the big spoon...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
