ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
