i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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