It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
