Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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