Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
