Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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