I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
