doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sext me about skeletons
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
