PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
