My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
