i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
