Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
